


are you sure now?

by markhyuckstea



Series: 24 days of christmas 2k18 [10]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Confessions, Crushes, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-18 08:27:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16991490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markhyuckstea/pseuds/markhyuckstea
Summary: "i think i might have feelings for you?" it came out more as a question than a statement but johnny was sure that ten wasn't that dumb to think that it was his turn to answer that 'question'.





	are you sure now?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [queertennie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/queertennie/gifts).



> thank you kat for the idea i love you so much, you're literally the best!!! <3 uwuwuwu

johnny hadn't been gay for long. sure, he had had thoughts like "hey, guys are nice" and "i wonder what would it be like to date a guy" but that's obviously what a straight guy thought of multiple times in his life, right? but only now, at the twenty-third year of his life, did he understand that he was as gay as they came. somehow, the boy wasn't even surprised about such turn of events. johnny was a bit worried about telling it to his family, knowing how all of the coming out horror stories, but he hoped that it would go alright.

the first person johnny told was ten. they had been friends since... forever, really. the boy couldn't and didn't even want to remember a time that they hadn't been friends. that's why he was so sure that ten would accept him more than anyone. it was nice, having someone to talk to. in return, ten had told him that he was bisexual. seemed like they both wanted someone to confide in, about sexuality and otherwise. it was like their bond had been strengthened by even more mutual trust than there already was. and johnny was an actual hoe for mutual trust.

and that was a big, big problem because now he had absolutely no clue whether the feelings he had were romantic or if they were just very... platonic feelings. was this the gay panic johnny had been so warned about? he absolutely didn't like it. it seemed very unnecessary. wasn't it just way easier to just confess and be str- gay forward about it? even if he wasn't completely sure, it was better to tell ten and they could deal with it as friends, with each other's support, even if the feelings weren't reciprocated. that's how they had dealt with things until now, too. why would anything be different this time around?

the actual telling part was harder, though. the thinking of it was all fun and games, of course. but it asked for heavy logistics that johnny wasn't too good at, especially when in a state of a constant gay panic that he had been in since the moment he realised he was gay and probably for way longer as well. the boy wondered whether or not ten was in a constant bisexual panic as well or not. probably not, ten seemed way too confident for panic. too confident and too full of chaos.

"hey, ten?" johnny spoke up suddenly, deciding that he'd have to do it sooner rather than later and it was better to quickly get it out of his way because if he waited for any more, there could be a possibility of totally missing his chance and johnny didn't want that to be the case. he trusted ten enough to tell him. the younger deserved to know.

"yeah?" ten looked up at johnny. the younger had a bad habit of sitting on the floor, even if he could've sat on the couch. johnny had started to get such a tendency recently as well and he hated it. the couch was way more comfortable but, of course, he had to be a dumbass and sit in the worst way possible. gay culture. johnny was already catching up.

"i, uh... i _think_... meaning, i'm not entirely sure," he started saying, suddenly regretting it because the boy had no actual idea of how to say it. that's what happens when you just lack impulse control. it was horrible. "i think i might have feelings for you?" it came out more as a question than a statement but johnny was sure that ten wasn't that dumb to think that it was his turn to answer that 'question'.

"ah," ten looked dumbfounded for a bit, trying to process the information. "okay," he blinked and then continued, "is there any way for me to help you understand what you feel?" he offered.

"i- i don't know," johnny hadn't expected such an answer. the boy had no idea what he had expected but it definitely wasn't this. maybe something more of the lines 'alright but i don't feel the same way' or just an 'okay', but definitely not this. but this was the best possible answer he could've got, johnny was happy about it. it just meant that he hadn't been wrong about his friend, that no matter what, ten would still support the boy and not act any different and that meant the world to the older. he hoped ten knew that.

ten got up to his feet and sat down next to johnny, immediately wrapping the boy in a tight hug. "thank you for telling me," he whispered. johnny hugged the smaller boy back and they sat like that for a little while, just hugging each other. meanwhile, the older's heart was doing unspeakable gymnastic exercises and somersaults. he didn't know if it was because he was relieved that ten's reaction wasn't bad, because he had Actual Feelings, or just because he liked skinship, especially when it came to ten. johnny decided not to try to figure it out and enjoy the moment. it wasn't every day that they just sat like that, cuddled up together. ten wasn't a big lover of skinship, though he had become more touchy with johnny when they had both come out to each other, which the older counted as a big improvement in his life.

"do you want to watch a movie?" ten suddenly asked, changing the subject entirely. he let go of the hug but instead held the older's hand. johnny wanted to scream into a void but instead, he muttered a 'yeah sure'. just barely, though. johnny loved being able to hold ten's hand or be in any sort of contact with the boy, to be honest. it made him feel very special. such honour wasn't given to everyone and johnny sure as hell wanted to make use of it.

and so they sat there and watched a movie together, ten not letting go of johnny's hand at any moment. it was great. the older could get used to it. he would absolutely love to get used to this. perhaps minute by minute he was even more sure about his feelings for ten. the warm feeling of ten by his side, the calm radiating from the smaller boy, the light touch of him... they all just felt so right and johnny couldn't be happier. of course, he wasn't completely sure. feelings fluctuated a lot and this was the first time he had felt something like _that_ for a boy.

"johnny, sweetheart," ten spoke up in about the middle of the movie and paused it. the older looked at the smaller boy, waiting for what he would say next. "if you've got something... if you think of something you or rather we, i guess, could do that would make you sure of what you feel, please tell me, okay? it's okay if you don't end up actually having those kinds of feelings for me, i just want to be there for you, love," he said and put his head on johnny's shoulder afterwards. if it was physically actually possible, johnny would have literally melted there on the spot. his heart was doing things that it had never done before. it was a new experience completely - ten had always been very sweet to the older but it felt like today he was being... especially nice and it was amazing, having such a supportive friend. johnny couldn't have asked for anyone better than ten. "no limits," he mumbled afterwards.

"none?" johnny asked again. it seemed like he was shocked. the older wasn't about to ask for anything too much, he had his own limits, even if ten didn't have any. there was something the boy could ask but he was afraid that there would be a limit for exactly that. ten hummed, agreeing to what he had said earlier. "could i... kiss you? it's okay if not-," johnny was about to start a whole speech of respecting ten's decisions and how it was okay to say no but instead, ten knew better and put a finger to johnny's lips to shut him up. the younger got in a slightly better position for kissing and removed the finger restricting johnny's lips. ten was so, so beautiful. johnny had known that before, of course, but this was something special.

ten leaned in, closed his eyes and put his lips on johnny's. it was at the same time very different from every other kiss he had ever had and also the same as every other one. johnny had somehow imagined that kissing a boy would be very different from kissing a girl, which was untrue because when it all came down to kissing, it was all the same to a certain extent. but it was so different at the same time. kissing ten was the best experience of his life.

johnny's eyes were closed shut but he wasn't just seeing black, no. he could vividly imagine ten's face right in front of him. it was such a beautiful sight. the older saw it as his eyes were open, though the background was void, there was only ten. the most beautiful sight he had ever seen and it wasn't even real.

it felt like johnny could hear his own and ten's hearts beating in the same rhythm. loud and excited heartbeats from johnny and fast and nervous heartbeats from ten. there was no background noise anymore, johnny's annoying neighbours that always played loud music in the middle of the day just didn't even exist anymore, he couldn't hear the music. there was just johnny and ten, living in the moment. the boy could here ten's quiet but at the same time loud breaths and almost inaudible little moans of satisfaction that johnny couldn't even tell who it came from because it could've been both of them. it seemed like ten, though, and if johnny was right, then it was the most beautiful sound that the boy had ever heard. ethereal, angelic and beautiful, those were the best words to describe it and the older wasn't an expert on adjectives.

ten's lips were so soft as if made of actual velvet. at some point, ten's hands had ended up cupping the older's face and lightly caressing his cheeks, while johnny had one of his hands on the arch of ten's back and over one of the boy's hands. the older could feel ten's soft and warm breath and it was the best thing he had felt. the younger boy's skin felt so silky under johnny's hands, that was the only feeling he ever wanted to feel again. the older was finally sure of what he felt. that's all it took.

johnny stopped the kiss and softly gazed upon ten. the smaller boy looked so pretty with such plump lips, big and pink from kissing. for a little while, they just looked at each other, not saying a word. and words weren't really needed now either, it was more than enough staying like this. johnny loved every part of it.

"so?" ten softly asked. "are you sure now?"

"yeah. yeah, i am now."


End file.
